My summer is almost over and it sucks. I go back to collage on next monday. I'm not ready to go back but duty calls I suppose! Adult world here I come, lets hope were all ready. But I have had a very nice time at my cousins apartment this week and even if I am a little anxious about coming home I like it down here which I never thought I would say I guess its pretty much the fact that this is the most free I have ever felt. If that makes any sense I know I have to go home but It just feels as if I'll be going back to something that really isn't mine Ya know I know its practical that I stay living with my parents but right now it feels a little inadequate I don't know I guess now I'm just rambling and not making any sense. I know independence isn't all its cracked up to be but still I kinda feel like by going home its just a furtherance of childhood instead of stepping out into a new chapter of my life like it should be . As it is there is already been several things I should have thought about way before but never did and in hindsight I could have saved myself a whole world of problems and worry god how I hate life sometimes. I have even started reconsidering so many things that I thought I knew about how I thought I wanted my life to work out and now nothing seems right how the hell dose one get themselves into these kinds of messes and why is it that all of a sudden I feel so fucking lost it isn't even funny how confused I am right now and there isn't even anyone home right now or for quite a wile to talk to and I don't have a phone. And I keep talking about wanting to feel more independent while right now all I want is to talk to my mom WTF!! I guess its because everything I can think of to solve my problem is up state not down here holly crap!!!!! Who Knows Maybe when I get home I'll feel differently maybe even better than I feel right now but I just don't know.